How to please your IT Department: 

1.  When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals and children’s art.  We don’t have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours. 

2.  Don’t write anything down.  Ever.  We can play back the error messages from here. 

3.  When an IT person says he’s coming right over, go for coffee.  That way you won’t be there when we need your password.  It’s nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords. 

4.  When IT support sends you an email with High importance, just delete it.  We’re just testing. 

5.  Send urgent email all in uppercase.  The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery. 

6.  When the photocopier doesn’t work, call computer support.  There’s electronics in it. 

7.  When the printer won’t print, re-send the job at least 20 times.  Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes. 

8.  When the printer still won’t work, send the job to all 68 printers in the department.  One of them is bound to work. 

9.  Don’t learn the proper term for anything technical.  We know exactly what you mean by “my thingy blew up”. 

10.  Don’t use on-line help, it for wimps.